Mum

In her forty seven years, my mother has lived two lifetimes! Nothing she has came easy. She is a driven, hardworking, and only hindered by circumstances that for now she is still looking for a strategy to overcome! I do not think she has the following words in her vocabulary – failure, quitting, unachievable, impossible- at least it seems that way because all I know is her stick-to-it-ness! She does not let anything or anyone cower her, she pushes forth and even when she is between a rock and a hard place, she breaks the rock!

On mother’s day I sat down and counted my blessings as I recounted over the years what my mother has been to me. My mother is small in size, but she has a big heart, great faith and epitomizes courage under fire! Most days when the storms and gales pounded on our family, she held us nestled close together as a mother hen does to her chicks! In the harshness of such dark nights, she would whisper and tell us, “All this shall come to pass!” Most of it has passed and what remains, we have learned from a great woman to hang in there, do all we can and to borrow from Sir Winston Churchill, “Never ever give up!”

I am older and wiser because in the rough terrain she navigated me safely through the uncertainty! She was always cheering me on even when everyone else gave up on me, when the verdict, for example from one of my high school teachers was “ She will never amount to much!” , my mother told me to put my best foot forward and break out from the darkness! The darkness of doubt, a failure mentality; darkness that seemed to engulf and suffocate me! I pushed and pushed and believed not because I thought I could do it, but because my mother said I could! That was enough to make me see further than my eyes could see, that was the push I needed to step out and conquer my inadequacies! I can still hear her cheer in my heart and that makes me face each new day with confidence because “mama believes in me!”

What does one do to repay such greatness? How do you say a thank you that captures immense gratitude? Well for me, I decided that I would live my life with the example my mother displayed! I would face challenges head on and let no one snuff out my potential! My mother is my best friend because I am able to open up about my life and she is still guiding! She is an anchor and I thank God for His infinite wisdom to give me such a wonderful woman. I am proud to call her mother!

On mother’s day, I remembered what a friend of mine told me, “When she is still alive, as often times as you can tell her how great she is! Show her your gratitude and keep her close to heart!” We had gone to bury her mother. Well, here is to a year long mother’s day, make that lifetime long celebration of God’s gift to us! Don’t leave room for regrets!

Mum

“My mum has never reached out to me and talked to me about being a woman. I don’t sense my mum’s impact in my life,” I told a group of women who were attending a HIV/AIDS seminar that our organization was conducting.

The silence in the room was echoing back at me and for the remaining part of the seminar, some of the women participants avoided talking to me and others would loudly proclaim the fact that they had only sons when I was an earshot away.

But a few women (who had daughters) walked up to me and thanked me for sharing, as they had seen themselves through my eyes for the love and guidance their girls might have been yearning for. They felt that they had understood their girls in a way they had never envisioned possible.

Do I regret saying those words then? No. At that time I had no relationship with my mum and our conversations were filled with shouting matches and at times she would tell me “Go look for your mother who you think can give you a better life.” This was a scary statement as I have step brothers and a step sister who left home when I was barely a teenager and that statement would make me think that just maybe I had been left behind by my sister and brothers with this “mum”.

Would I say those words today? Never. I would curse myself in the presence of God and ask Him to honor it in my life time.

It’s only when I was 28 years old, about five years since I made that statement that I started having a relationship with my mum. “Oh my! What a waste of time and energy we (mum and I) had spent running in the opposite direction that would have ended in pointless destruction.

Now my mum is the best person in my life. Some women tend to say that their relationship with their mum’s improved when they got married and had their own children. In my case it is not so, I am still single.

What happened then in my case? I realized that I had wonderful relationships with other older mum’s around me but could barely have a civil discussion with my mum for more than fifteen minutes. I didn’t like that.

For the first time in my life I had a yearning to know who mum is. I knew I could not achieve this if I didn’t learn how to keep silent when I felt that the conversation I was having with my mum was bound for an ugly turn. It was a major feat and still continues to be one and from time to time I tend to fail miserably but my words are less stinging every other day. This has really helped out because our fights have lessened over the years and now mum even comes to my room and we get to talk about her life, my life and other interesting things happening around us for hours when she visits or I visit her.

Through this chats that we have, I am learning about who she is and where she is coming from. Had she been a career woman in her day she would have been a great secretary, a good job in the past and would have been a professional photographer evidenced by the many pictures we all have from our childhood to date. Instead, she was busy being a “housewife” taking care of the farm that she owns with my dad to ensure that we didn’t starve and hence I missed out on having time with her as she was away most of the time. Her passion for life is amazing in spite of her age and often puts mine to shame.

I know we are told that in life we should try not to use the words “I wish” but I wish that I would have started having the relationship with my mum earlier on in life. I now know that I can never be half the woman she is, was I to live for 300 centuries or more.

Life is short....

We always say life is short so live it to the fullest! I have been troubled by how often we let things pass by, we procrastinate, we take people for granted and feign friendships! I was deeply saddened by the Kenya Airways flight 570 that crashed in Douala, just reminds us about the brevity of life! I was thinking that most of us take it for granted each day we open our eyes, go about our daily business and at the end, go back home to look forward(or not) to tomorrow! Never once counting how lucky we are to be alive, healthy, happy, and despite what may appear like insurmountable problems, we are still here! We are still alive and that means, our purpose is not yet accomplished, our journey must go on!

I weep with the families and pray for God's comfort and grace in this time of great grief! I challenge you to pray for clarity in our purpose and take every opportunity God grants us to let those we love know how we feel, to have a love walk so that we can reach the lost, to use our gifts and talents to effect great change in our communities and at the end of it, hear Christ say, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" The world needs us, take your charge and run with the horses!!!

Karibuni!!!

Hey guys,

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, so here is to our beginning! May you express your thoughts, commentaries on social issues and creativity in this blog!

God bless you as we endeavour to leave a mark in this life as we give life to our words! Write on scribes, write on!

Carole.